The Weight of the Wait

“I'm tired of being single.”

“When am I going to meet the right person…"

“Why is it so hard to find a good man/woman these days?"

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking like that, you’re definitely not alone.

The desire for a committed relationship is one that many people have and often, that desire has been placed in us by God Himself. I believe that if you have a desire for romantic love and marriage, then it’s more than likely the Lord also wants that for you… in His perfect timing, of course.

In the meanwhile, how do we wait for the great relationship we desire, the kind of person we want, and the perfect timing of God that just never seems to come?

First, we need to recognize the weight that romantic relationships hold. Your partner is more than likely going to be the person that you spend the most time with and will therefore be most heavily influenced by. They are the human being who will have the single greatest amount of access to your heart and mind. Because of that, our love life and choices truly matter — not just for us, but also to God.

With that in mind, understand that there's a few very important things the Lord may be trying to do as you walk through singleness.

God is working on your priorities; He wants you to realize how important it is to be with a person who will help you become more like Jesus.

As I mentioned, the company we keep is no small matter. The people we choose to spend time with will affect our thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs throughout our lives here on Earth. While God knows what we want (our wishlist, our type, etc.), He also knows that we need people in our life who will point us to Jesus — for Jesus alone is the Way, Truth, and Life (John 14:6).

This is especially true when it comes to who we’re in a romantic relationship with. That said, if you are a woman who’s seeking God, it’s crucial that you choose a man who is also seeking Jesus for himself and is capable of leading you spiritually. If you are a man who’s seeking God, it’s crucial that you choose to be with a woman who is seeking Jesus for herself and open to following Godly leadership. The Lord wants us to wait on Him until He places that kind of partner in our lives.

Here’s another reason it’s important to wait on God when it comes to your romantic desires.

God is working on your character; He wants to make YOU into someone who will help your partner become more like Jesus.

The Lord knows which areas we need to develop in before He brings the right man or woman into our lives. He knows if we still need to grow in our walk with Him before being united with another person, so that we won’t be a hindrance to them in their spiritual walk with Him. He knows if we currently lack the emotional maturity and vulnerability that it takes to have a transparent relationship. He knows if there are certain traumas or psychological patterns that we have yet to address within ourselves. He knows if there are sins and idols that we’re still holding onto, and need to let go of so that we can truly walk in freedom.

A romantic relationship should be healthy, fulfilling, and ultimately point us back to Jesus — and all of those issues I mentioned above have the potential to completely sabotage that. How tragic would it be to finally find the right person, just to have your relationship ruined by something such as trust issues, lust, or selfishness? God doesn’t want that for us, and that is part of why He might have you waiting for His perfect timing while He works on some things within your character and heart.

Lastly, speaking of your heart:

God is working on your heart towards Him and your understanding of Him; He wants you to see that He already loves you fully — independent of any romantic relationship you may or may not be in.

God’s love for us is not tied to our relationship status. He loves you deeply and unconditionally — whether or not He plans for you to be married. We know this because God is love (1 John 4:16), and Jesus exemplified it when He selflessly laid down His life for us (1 John 4:9).

The same way the Lord knows all the areas of your life that need to be worked on, there’s many areas aside from your love life that God knows He can improve for you. Part of why you may be single is because He wants you to be free and available to flourish in those other areas right now — whether it be in your career, education, mental or physical health, or spiritual ministry.

It’s also important to recognize that when you’re single, you are in an optimal space to study God’s word and learn about Jesus’s love for you independently, without the outside influence of a partner. You have more time to do this, since you are not focused on making time on your calendar for another person. If you desire marriage and children eventually, then singleness is a unique and most likely limited opportunity where you get to seek God on your own without having to also consider the spiritual state of your partner or your kids. There’s simply no better time in life than now to get to really know God for yourself.

The reason you’re not in a relationship right now could be any of these. There may also be a host of other reasons that only the Lord Himself knows.

Especially as we approach Valentine's Day, it’s easy to question why you're single and wish that you had what you see other people with. However, don’t get caught up in all the flowers, chocolates, and rose petals you might come across on social media. Instead, remember this:

God has a very special plan for your future life and relationship, and He loves you so much that He’s taking the time to prepare you for it as we speak.

The wait for the kind of relationship and partner that you want might feel heavy, but anything that we wait on the Lord for and trust Him with will certainly be worth it (Hebrews 10:35 - 36). We can trust, in fact, that our romantic desires are even more important to God than they are to us. As we wait then, let’s fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. We can submit ourselves to Him fully and be confident that, no matter our current relationship status, He is performing a beautiful and well-needed work in our lives.